It’s hard to not compare yourself to others when we are constantly bombarded with everyones successes at the touch of our fingertips. Watching the world go by as we scroll and scroll…well at least I do. It can be hard be hard watching your peers (whether you love them or hate them) blossoming when it feels like you’re in a rut. I for sure have felt that way, and still fight the urge to compare and be bitter over my success verses someone else’s. That’s not to say that I’m not genuinely happy to see my friends succeed. I pride myself of being a genuine cheerleader. It’s great to see the ones you love going up, but it’s hard to catch yourself when you don’t realize how far you’ve gone down.
I spent years rushing through my life, thinking if I keep moving that somehow I will get “ahead” when truly I was struggling to stay afloat. I was moving so fast that I didn’t even know what I was chasing. I stopped chasing my dreams to chase someone else's because it looked good on paper, and because I had convinced myself that it was where I was supposed to be. Other people thought I was happy, so I guess I had to be happy. If it looked like that through a feed, it had to be true right?
And then, SHOCKING NEWS, I burned out. An epic crash out burn out up the wazoo. It was bad to say the least, but also the biggest blessing of my life. Once I stopped moving I realized how far down I really was. I could barely recognize. I washed away the ideas of my true dreams because they scared me. I didn’t want to go forth with my own potential because the fear of dissapointment was too much to bear. And truly there was nobody to disappoint but myself. Everyone has so much going on in their own minds that there is so much less competition than is actually real, no matter how many times someone our age seems to reach the highest mountain while we watch from the seats.
I’m now embracing the true meaning of slowing down and getting to know myself again. It can’t all be a race because when there are too blinders on you forget where you’re going in the first place.
I’m starting to like the awkward moments, I welcome them. Instead of a quick fix of happiness, whether that is from going to a party to forget the feeling of sadness or hanging out with toxic people to protect the idea of myself I built, I want to spend time in the limbo. Because the best things do take time.
I cannot rush my own happiness and dreams. If I take my time I will learn what I truly want, and take the time to actually GET it. I don’t want fleeting and constant validation, I want to make things that matter to me first.
I want to welcome in the sad moments and not shut them away. They make me who I am, and I am proud that I can feel so many things. I want to go for something I care about and not be too bummed when it doesn’t work out. I want to be proud of myself for doing it in the first place.
Learning how to like yourself takes time. Learning how to accept the things we cannot change takes time. And having the courage to take control of your own life takes time.
I am not wise, I am simply just a girl figuring it out. And I am glad that I am taking the time to do so.
so proud of you sis 🥹♥️